Hey, ! Today’s post is a guest post by Strength Faction’s very own, AMANDA WHEELER!! Enjoy this shit. It’s really good!
If you’re a great coach, and I assume you are since you are part of this badass community, you have likely spent time finding the “whys” behind your client’s ambitions.
Whether it’s losing 20 lbs or trying to get more sleep, the why is the driving factor in the goal.
Losing 20 lbs is not likely to happen without a reason why or the help of some kind of crazy sickness or getting your leg chopped off in an extreme lawn mowing accident.
There has to be some kind of catalyst behind a goal.
Finding out that why can be daunting at times. It’s like a 3 year old asking why they can’t shit on the dining room table. How many times are they going to ask why without getting the real answer?
Maybe our clients don’t know the real answers why they want something, and that’s okay. But asking why, even though it is opened ended, is a limiting question.
Here is a phrase and a question that will help your clients communicate with you more effectively so you can come to the answer why faster and create a vision around the goal.
Tell me more about that.
Lets say your client isn’t getting adequate sleep at night.
Asking why is totally fine, but you could be left with answers like, “my mind runs,” or “my wife snores,” which will lead to more why questions.
Instead of asking why try, tell me more about that. It gives him the ability to explore a topic or idea.
He could potentially dive into things happening at work or anxiety he may have. It gets you to the real answer quicker than asking why over and over again.
It also feels warmer to hear. Why can seem accusatory or like he shouldn’t have trouble sleeping, even if his reasons are totally valid.
Tell me more about that creates a space for him to genuinely open up, and it sounds more caring.
For reals. Try that shit with your spouse/partner and see how much lighter the conversation is than asking why.
It may sound cheesy, but it gives them room to explore their thoughts without having to defend anything.
What would it look like?
Back to not Sleeping Beauty dude (Yes it’s a he, and yes he’s a beauty. Fuck gender norms – he’s beautiful dammit!).
If his goal is to get more sleep at night, asking the question, “what would it look like to get more sleep?” allows him to go in a multitude of directions.
He may talk about his pre bedtime ritual. He may talk about how he’d feel the next day. He may talk about not feeling anxious to go to bed anymore. He could talk about anything.
This question allows the space for him to take it wherever he truly feels as opposed to the shallowness of why.
What would it looks like helps create a vision and a feeling around a goal. We actually have to envision it. And when we envision, we feel.
So many fucking feels.
But that’s why we do what we do.
As he is exploring what it would look like, you can always go back to, tell me more about that. They work hand in hand.
These two tools let us facilitate a wonderful conversation without offering any advice, opinion, attempt to fix, or asking why a hundred times. The client talks through everything on his own, and we guide the conversation without interjection.
It’s all facilitation and creating space. Give them a try!